Centuries plus of entrenched deceit, legalities of perpetual structual institutionalism over a whanau who hold dearly , respect and honor land – when and how is moral high ground to be found?

Justice is an action not an re-action so where does one go to find such nobility after generations plaguerism, antagonism and ignorance – in the endorsement of profit and wealth.

I say f@#k this is confronting. This obvious blatant blarzae ness is in obvious credit to the keepers.. how about those who are imprisoned, imprisioned by a vehicle of cultural disparity and mass dishonoring, a whisper so loud its deafening, a echo that haunts where very few survive, and the ability to suppress the next awaiting generation of innocence.

I say f@#k I’m blood, which means every and all the the bullets fired land and never miss their target. Wish I could run. Where? perhaps out of my skin , or out of my blood? , or.. do I just have to climb this mountain of torture and trauma and embrace it , why would I want to do this voluntary??!! That’s right the children are watching and listening awaiting their Jury.

Wheres the trigger? How do I fire back? Wait on i’ll undo a third of my life in the education system, , i’ll undo the other third of paralyzing myself with drugs and alcohol and addictions, then remove myself from the criminal/justice system, unread all the headlines of what a hineous, abusive, problematic people Maori are, will, and always be.

So Landless, languageless, powerless, speechless, useless… Pretty easy to see how one would carry depression and embarrassment from the past to its present and in such a manner that poverty in a soulful sense is a suicidal friend to nurture daily.

Please remind me Facebook, paper, radio that Moungaroa is that knife to my throat, that gag in my mouth, that voice of suppression.. and that lazer targeted at my children’s head – whilst everyone watches.

I better stop writing, as the ink is fading.

For now, I’m still here. Just.

Gareth Kahui 15/12/19


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